well, this has been a disappointing day at the kyllonen home...disappointing is a very mild word. i am writing this this tear stained cheeks and a headache from all the ugly crying i've packed into this morning. we woke up to an email from the U.S. embassy in ethiopia, but it was not the email we had been hoping for. this email said that without an interview with ruby's birth mother it would be very difficult for them to "verify the facts of the case and mark it as clearly approvable". The problem is, that they will not approve the case unless it is clearly 'approvable' and our agency has searched to dead-ends without finding ruby's birth mother, and WE cannot make her materialize out of thin air. for the first time today my mind has gone to that really dark place, the place where we do not get to bring our daughter home. there is, however, some logistical hope to this, a team from the state department (CIS) is heading to addis in a few weeks to investigate what exactly is going on at the embassy, and there is a possibility that they will help to process cases with less rigidity than the embassy will, we have a sentator going to bat for us, not to mention several advocates and legal aid who are petitioning on our behalf, and i believe somebody is trying to contact the former head of homeland security on our behalf to see if anything can be done. though i am exhausted of this up and down, i am confident that these people, many of whom do not even know us personally, will be used in amazing ways. this is what i hope.
this is what i know: "a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land." Ps. 68. MY heavenly father, RUBY'S heavenly father has said it in scripture, that HE is the one who sets the lonely in families. so, i say with complete confidence, that ruby not coming home is NOT an option...i do not say this to our creator, but i say it to our enemy, the one who "comes only to steal and kill and destroy" John 10. I do not know what all of this is going to look like in the end...we may be in for a long haul, or we may be recipients of crazy grace, and have ruby with us in only a few weeks. but i do know the one whom we serve and i know that HE is good. i know that HE is sad for the frustration and sadness that our family is experiencing today. i was talking to alanna on the phone earlier and we were talking about the story of lazarus in John 11. there we find the shortest verse in the bible..."Jesus wept". He knew that very shortly HE, HIMSELF, would raise lazarus from the dead, and yet, he was grieved and "deeply moved in [his] spirit" when he saw the grief of his friends. when he first heard that lazarus was dying his response was "this sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory that God's Son may be glorified through it. Jesus loved martha and her sister and lazarus. yet when he heard that lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days." this kind of wows me. it initially seems so cruel that Jesus would know of his dear friend's impending death, yet chose to not act and spare them their grief right away. we then see that not only were they grieved, but so was Jesus(!!!)... he was grieved for them, his loved ones. only HE knew that to wait would mean that their joy would be restored and God would be glorified in a way that he would not have been had lazarus not died. i have to remind myself of this, becase sometimes i forget that our God is a GOOD God. he is the giver of life, strength, health, all good things, and HE is to be glorified. if we must sit in a dark spot for now so that HIS light can shine brightly, then so be it.